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Life suck…

Hi,

As long as I have this thing, let me use it…

I’m pretty sure most people have had it, the feeling of being mad and angry at all and nobody…

I have had that feeling now for over a week, and it don’t seem to want to go away either… 😦

For me it is related to the fact that I have got this feeling of that the one thing that really have bounded my husband Tore and me together has been violated and broken. 😦
The communication…

We used to be able to talk about almost all kind of stuff, it used to be all kind of stuff, but somethings got off limit after we became a couple..
Then, the last 8-9 months at least things gone bad, very rapidly the latest months…

With a top 1,5 week ago when he decided to go on a trip back home to Norway alone and without even discussion it with me.

For me it was like being told “I don’t want to be with you, I don’t want to talk with you” and it was like we no longer had this good thing together.

I deal with it bad, using all opportunities to give him little hints and “sharp needlesticks” verbally whenever I get an opportunity as I really disliked the way things happen and want to give it back to him with interests…
For me that is a very bad way of behaving, I know that, but I still do it as it feels for me the only way to make him suffer like I felt I suffer.
I live by a rule very often which is “eyes for an eye, teeth’s for a tooth”…
Done that most of my life, was my way of keeping above and not drown under other people…
You pick on me, expect it back…

Well, Tore came home yesterday night, and we hardly spoken since…

He was in Norway for a reason, how it went, I don’t know as he seems to not want to tell me… 😦

We spoke each day he was gone, up to several times, but not the part related to his trip…
That he avoided, and still do so I’m still hostile towards him.

He feels he has no control over his life, and it seems like he also feels like I control his life. I might do just that, but no more then he allows me.
If he don’t object and fight for what he believes and thinks, sure I will get it my way – such is life.
But don’t come and complain later I control the life, as he never did anything to control it himself!!

The life we have no sucks big time.

He has no job – that makes his life bad.
He has diabetes that almost made him blind on one eye and left scars – that makes his life bad.
We where suppose to move home to Norway and build a house at his and his brother’s cabin – that seems to be gone down the drain and I sort of don’t care as I don’t want to move…
He want to move as this place is bad memories due to the way he lost his job..
I don’t want to move due to the way the thing with the cabin has gone and the fact that I really like it here…

And, there we are stuck…

His brother is handicapped so have a guardian and some official part running his money – they seems to want to screw Tore all over and that mess things real up.
His trip was a try to clear things up as mailing back and forward through a lawyer is not getting anywhere…
But, not a ting to tell me, or even discuss it is a thing I don’t like very much as it do concern me too as he wants to move there…

I never been afraid for my relations ship before, but this thing, this is scary…

Not being able to talk together is a very bad and scary thing.

I hate it, I react badly on it, and now, now I share it with the world – what is happening!

Well, I needed to rant, and writing do help a little, but now, now I go read the Trainz forum while listening to the Dr. Demento show at KACV FM using Realplayer.

So, I’m out of here!

Best wishes all, and Tore, I DO love YOU!!

Linda

Categories: Misc
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