Archive for September, 2008

Homeless, but alive…

02 Sep 2008 5 comments

Hi world,

Still struggling along on this life’s highway, or railroad, or whatever one want to call it.

Been a hard year and a half since my last use of this Blog thing.

I know I’m a smart person, just not smart enough to figure out a way to earn enough money to actually get a house built.

Not even smart enough to finalize a drawing for the house, nor the second drawing I now try in order to simplify the house enough for me to built it my self.

I wish there was a way I could find someone or some others to help me with this, a way I could apply for help getting a house up, a way to trade services or similar stuff in order to get a house up.
I know there is never going to be enough money to pay for it in my life, I can’t loan the money as I don’t have any security or even a earning enough to even think a bank loan.

What I know is I can build most of it my self, even if the rules in this country don’t allow me to as I’m not a qualified carpenter, not will I ever get the correct papers for it.
I know I’m good with my hands, that I have a brain, that I put the best I can do into things I do – but all this don’t help me a bit.

I often dream I could win money enough to get this house up as a skeleton at least – as winter is closing in fast I feel it becoming a desperate idea.

The cabin I stay in have a leaky roof, not sure where the water enters, but it enters when it rains – often several places…
Don’t want to spend money I don’t have on fixing a roof on this cabin as all I want is to tear it down and get a house up instead.
As I don’t know where the leak is, I need to fix the whole roof, so far I’m not willing to do that…

I’m becoming desperate, depressed, and generally getting back into moods I had high hopes for not ever getting into when I become free back in 1995 from stuff messing up my life.

My husband also made me get high hopes, now he is the reason why my life feels real bad – and I’m closing in real fast to the cross road were I need to choose between staying with him and continue a down ride spiral into Hell, or just give up on my own promises and become the smart person I am and just walk away for good.
I hate Love, it stinks sometimes.

Anyway, I just type words for my self, wish I could find a way to stand out and be noticed, and maybe find people who I could help so they maybe could help me later and I could get a home and a house again.

I lost the house in the Netherlands, husband didn’t pay, bank took it…
so, I lost my home, my place of security, my place of a feel of a home – and I lost a bathroom with shower and a bathtub…

now, I’m stuck in a cabin up north in Norway, my birth country, but still a place I wish I could live away from.

Anyway, I should go to bed, it felt good in a way to type this.

to who ever might read this sometime in the future – take care and be the best you can be.

Rest assure, that is what I try to do, be the best I can!


Categories: Misc