Archive for June, 2009

Life goes on, & with life there's hope…

Hello who ever is reading this. 🙂

It’s Sunday night here in Norway, I’ve been stuck here at this cabin in Eidsvoll since fall of 2006, with a few short trips to the house we had in the Netherlands.

Last year, June 2008 all that took a nose dive when the house was more or less taken by the bank and sold as my husband Tore long before had stopped paying on the mortgage and not talked with the bank at all.
Nor with me… 😦

We was able to get most of our personal belongings out, but lot of furniture and some other items had to be left behind..

Now, it is June 2009, life is a struggle, money short, I tend to spend the little I get in on my self to stay afloat in my mind and keep on living and not just lay down to die.

We have no house, the stuff that was started built in 2007 and early 2007 is slowly rotting away, even the attic part on the annex I built has yet to be fully finished off.
There are constant battles with Tore, I have a hard time letting go of what happen and why it happen.
I almost daily see the same attitude in Tore as back when things really went down the drain – and it reminds me how much things gone bad, and then I explode in anger, resentment and worse.

Some days are good, I can buy my self some good time by finding stuff related to my big love in life (not Tore…), the Cripple Creek District.
I been lucky this year and found some great info that I slowly gather/piece together that I find very helpful – but some of that came at a great cost though…

I hardly go anywhere but around the property, I have not seen my parents or brother since around October 2008 when we last had a trip across Norway to the west coast.
We have big problems with the water, can’t take showers when we want, hard to wash cloths, we look and smell like two early cave people almost… LOL

It takes it toll on both of us, Tore been coming really careless and don’t bother about anything, I start to feel the same and that ain’t very helpful either.

I did redraw the house into a simpler design that I can build in two stages, but getting a loan is impossible as I have no solid income and no backup valuables…
But, I keep my dream alive the best I can.

There are some lights in my life though, like now last Thursday when my sister came for a extended visit, and plan to come with us while we drive over the mountains and over to the west coast of Norway to visit my parents and brother.

I really enjoy having my sister visiting me, we lost contact with each other in the young years of our life, and while she been better then me at trying to get back in touch, we never have had such a chance as this few last days been giving me.

I’ve enjoyed that, I hope I can use that to build upon, as I feel I care allot for her, and can share some of the feels and problems with her even if her problems and my problems is not the same I do reconize the feel from my own childhood.
I wish I knew better when I was young, and I wish life could been better for both of us then – but as she says, that was then, now is now.

I have deep respect for her, from what we been talking about it is so easy to think that what I felt was bad life easy could had been way worse.
It is strange how easy it is to forget even those close to you, when you struggle with your own problems.

I hope I’m able to grow as a person from these days, and that this might be a start of a life where things start to be better over time.
Don’t understand how, but the whole visit was so out of normal routine in my life that I try to look at it as a meaning and chance to look at life with some other eyes and maybe see something I have overlooked.

Either way, today been a mixed day for me, she had a great day, Tore had a mixed but probably better day then me – and me, I’m struggling with the same issues and feels as always. 😦

I feel not part of a relationship, like I don’t mean anything, like what ever I say or do, I’m not looked at as equal, and when I try to be as good as possible, that is only taken advantage of and I end up beign hurt but still having to do things that now only make me feel used and no longer bring the joy it started out as being.
Tore is great to make me feel like this…

But, it looks and feels like I helped a little bit giving my sister a great day, and that brings me joy to know.

I fear tomorrow a little, but want to try keep a open mind and take things the best I can do as they come up.

So, there you have it, life is still bad, but there are some good times to keep me alive and hoping.

Best wishes


Categories: Eidsvoll, Misc