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Archive for September, 2009

Life ends, life starts…

21 Sep 2009 4 comments

… and mine has both just ended and started again in a new time line and direction so to speak…

This morning my grandmother – mom’s mom – passed away at the hospital, during the morning routine’s from what I have understood.
Rest in peace Anny, rest in peace.

Her life this passed 10 years or so have not been easy, she lost her beloved husband around 10 years back, she had to move away from the house she had lived in since the 1960’s and move into a nursery home, and I could see how life become a struggle but also easier due to that move.
It become boring, the body gave in and while the mind was there the body was not that willing anymore – and sitting in a chair all day is not the way to spent the last years of one’s life’s, in my mind.

I’m glad for her, that her struggle is over and that she has moved on to better times – and maybe even met her love again, who knows.

I was not totally shocked when I heard the news from my father earlier today, but it still was not a thing I had expected to hear.
I knew she was at the hospital after a fall she had and had not fully restored from – but I haven’t spoken with her for nearly a month while I was on a short trip back to my parents place.

I had promised to call her when I got back here, and stupid me, I become so stressed and busy with stuff that I totally forgot about that promise.
My parents came back to our place with us for a short stay, and I had stuff I needed/wanted done – and before I knew it, they left for they’re trip back home, and I realized I had not spoken with my grandma.
Tried to call, but only got a nurse – that was my last attempt to talk with my grandma.

So, when I got the news today I become very angry at my self for letting her down, for not being there, for not trying more/better – for putting her off and not keeping the touch with her that I think/feel I should have done, for using my battle with Tore as and bad excuse for not calling, and so on.
I got my punishment today, my lesson, and it is a hard one to swallow – but thanks grandma for being there for me in my younger years, I love you!!

Eg elsker deg, eg e glad i deg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried to tell her those words, that I care about her, that I love her, whenever we spoke, but I come from a family where such words are not used much – so it was hard often to come up with them.

I hope she knew how much she meant to me, I think she did – but I wasn’t as much around this last 13 years as I maybe should have been.
This is my second relative I feel I have let down by moving so far away and not being able to keep up my contact with.

I have a third one left, ever since the struggles with Tore and me being stuck here in Norway I have had more and more trouble with keeping in touch, it is hard to call and have nothing good to share/tell about – but hopefully I have learned the lesson now.
It is important, to be there as much as possible, to support the ones you love and care about – to share the feeling with them, and to let them now that you love them.

It is easy said, not so easy to follow.

I tried my best, I feel it was not good enough, but at least I feel that now and maybe can grow from it and do better.

I still have my husband, mom & dad, my other relatives, my brother, sister, a distant relative I care much about called Eline that actually lives closer by then the rest of my family.

I should stop wasting time and not talk with them often – hopefully I learn.

For now, life moves on, many people have feelings like me today, every day – and night – people looses loved ones, so this is all part of life, death.

I hope it will be long till next time for me, but who knows.

I have respect for you Anny Sivertsen, deep respect and love – you lived a life where you could be proud of your self, and we all should aspire to just that, live a life where we can be proud of our self!!

Rest in peace, take care and maybe we meet again one day!!

Linda

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Categories: Misc