Home > Misc > Husband update, 26 Dec – Home for time being

Husband update, 26 Dec – Home for time being

Hello,

I’m pretty sure I write this only for my own good, but in case there is anyone reading this that have a interest in either me or my husband Tore – here is the latest happenings.

Tore is still brave, good, his health is improving, the mood is mostly on the up side, there are some days, or part of days that are heavy days, empty days, long days – but we have some good times, great times, lovely times, funny times, and all kind of times too, to look back at.

Sunday, the 13th of December for instance was a great day – at least in what the memory of it says, but I think I safely can stand by it too.
It was a day the sun was coming out for a long lovely visit after days without the sun. The ground was white with snow, and it was cold – but the sun made it all appear like a dreamland and all looked great and the mind was blooming and the world looked like a great place to be in.
Even for Tore and me, we decided to take a road trip that day, the hospital said it was OK, so I took Tore in his wheelchair down to the parking garage where I had the car parked, got him in the car (we have a high car, in Norway it is a Ford Galaxy car) where he can slide right into the seat when he stands up, perfect for our situation now.
I can easy fit the wheelchair in the back of the car, without worry and having to do anything with the chair except put it into the car. 🙂
And, what do you know, Tore actually thought it was a good idea to drive home to the cabin a short trip, even if it meant he had to stay in the car as there is no way to get him into our dwelling except crawling on his ass up the stairs from the ground and into the hall – not a good idea, so he staid in the car.
The neighbor watching over the cat came up and kept Tore company while I was collecting a few items for my self and said hello to the cat and all.
I did all this as I knew the next days we, Tore and I, was to head south into the unknown world of a Rehabilitation center where we where to spend the next 8 days before Christmas closes the doors and we had to go away for 14 days.
My brave husband, was home with no chance of ever get home inside of the house – that is willpower and determination in my book, I found the situation hard on my feelings, and I can walk in, he stayed in the car, we had a lovely trip, the cat was to afraid of getting kicked out to be willing to be in the car and say hello to Tore, she ran right into the cabin again. 🙂
The whole day was a uplifting day in my soul, and I was proud of Tore and his power to make life work!
And, it was a good exercise in how it was to be in the car with only one leg – we pulled a small pillow type with us when we left, to help support his shorter left leg as the one hour trip from the hospital to the cabin did feel a little stressful for a leg with no support.
The trip did Tore great too it seemed.

Next day, we was checking out of the hospital, took 4 hours more then needed in our books as no doctor was around to actually sign Tore out…
There was some bad feels finally when we left, some hints and parts of the old Tore that made me feel very badly and treated like a servant more then a loving and caring wife that put my life on hold for him – so that unfortunately put its mark on the 2 hours trip from the hospital and down to the Rehabilitation center called Bakke, south of a town called Halden southeast in Norway, almost in Sweden, alongside a fjord called Iddefjorden.
I even added on to that trip by the fact I had to buy a wireless modem for the laptop, and as it turned out, that was a bad call as the speed I was able to get down there was poor, if I was lucky, I got 11kbps of speed… 😦

We came there after darkness set in on Monday afternoon, around 16:30 in the afternoon I think it was, not the best of friends, not the worst of enemies, but lot of feelings.
I my self never felt welcomed down there, it was like the system look down on people having their loved ones with them, like I was in the way, like I was keeping the system from healing Tore the way they want to…
Already the next day, Tuesday Tore was doing the first exercises, I asked the physiotherapist that was assigned to Tore if I can join in – she looked strange at me, but said I could (but I learned later she really did not like me there… :-()

To me, she appears not like a good people person, but she looks to be very good at her job, she is brave, already that morning she put Tore on an exercise bike, much to our surprises and delight – but she also told me more or less to leave the area, which I did not do as Tore and I want to share this experience together he told me many times.
I want to as it helps me deal with the situation, and it helps me to understand both Tore, and some of his struggles as I’m there to see and feel it with him – and I’m very certain it some day will help in some way when some of the bad days catch up with him/us.
Later that day, I however, had the worst day in my entire life – which is very strange as I have had some rough times when I was much younger and felt my life was no more.

The feelings I put into this with Tore is both very interesting, strange, frustrating, but also scary, annoying, impossible to grasp, to see where they come from, to understand – but that is why I’m so fascinated about them.
But, this Tuesday afternoon, after Tore and I had been to some other exercise together – Bench training, and Tore had been very happy for me to try understand him and let my left foot hang loose and not touch ground/bench or anything – we met up with this physiotherapist again for the first meeting they have with new people coming into this place.
And, this awful person kicked me right out!! 😦
She did not want to listen to me saying I been there all the way with Tore, she did not ask Tore what he wanted, she just said, this is how it is always done and did not listen anymore!
I was sitting on the hall for 70 minutes crying my eyes out, struggling with my feelings, to understand, to grasp that Tore still say one thing and do another. Had he wanted me there like he said before and after, he would have said something my mind tells me, but he just rolled over for the system and I hate him for that, I hate him for the way he made me feel, but I still love him too – and I wanted to go home.
Not because of him, but because the feelings inside of me of betrayal, of being locked out of his life and still expected to support him with no knowledge about what is happening makes me so frustrated and angry that I know my way of dealing with those feelings is not a thing I should expose Tore for in his situation – and the moment this awful asshole of a person finally left Tore’s room I had to seek comfort in Tore’s arms as I was nearly fully dissolved into a big pile of emotions and nothing else.
She saying she was sorry and had no knowledge about the situation between Tore and me helped nothing as I had been locked out for 70 minutes and all it had taken was for them to open the door and invite me in if she was so sorry…
I did not want to take this out on Tore, but for all my struggle and fight, it ended like that – and what I said and what he heard was totally different.
He heard me wanting to leave him, he got afraid, and made the situation way worse, and the good man I had found again in the hospital was back in the ground and the devil I been fighting for 6 years was again inside of my beloved husband’s body and fought me hard.
The last month or so of good times, all the good stuff been built up, it was smashed into pieces, and by Wednesday morning nothing was left of our relationship except bitter anger and hard words and all that stuff that was between us the same day he came into the hospital on October 9th 2009…
He had the same stupid awful disrespectful reaction – and I was starting to pack to leave as I can’t stand 6 more years of fighting…

He went to breakfast, originally we where suppose to go to Oslo today for two appointments Tore had, one with a skin specialist for a regular checkup after Tore have had skin-cancer removed a few years ago, but this devil in his body, he don’t care about anything but hiding and running away.
So, there I was in the room, almost ready to give up – and a feel came over me, 6 years fighting, can’t give it up yet, one last try, go to the breakfast and see what happen.
So I did – not to much happy, but not to much sad either – and I fought, and I dug my husband up!!

We never got to Oslo, we never got back to where we where before this fatal Tuesday afternoon – but we managed to get some of the feel back.
I was keeping away from his morning exercise as I want to kill this physiotherapist that kicked me out and don’t fully trust my self – beside, Tore seemed to not want me there even if he say otherwise (the trust that was built up is gone you see :-() – but we had the one on the early afternoon together (The Bench type one), and on the evening when most people was in the rooms or so, after 20:00 Tore and I was in the exercise room and I was doing what he did in the morning, without using my left leg – this was to cheer him up and motivate him. And, we had many laugh’s out of it, and a understanding in small way of Tore’s new life
It was some hard times emotionally, I never felt welcomed except by two nurses that seemed to see and understand the effect I have on Tore emotionally as a good thing – they made me feel liked, and of course Tore from time to time.

We had our time together, I do love this man, he do impresses me, very much, and I find in him tons of energy and braveness, and all kind of stuff I hope one day to be able to remember if I ever find my self in a similar position as Tore is in.
He has what it takes to make this work, and as he learns about him self and how he works in an emotionally way, he will grow damn strong!

The 22nd of December we left Bakke, was by the hospital to get signed in as Tore was suppose to be spending Christmas and New Year at a extended part of the hospital about 30 minutes from our cabin (but, we no place for me at the nights) – and to have his wound checked by the surgeon.

It was a fun visit that part, the surgeon called Tore as we where going through the door into the hospital – so when we arrived at the part where she wanted to see us, she was already standing there with a big nice smile on her face and holding the doors open for us!
Even better smile after she had open the bandages, she liked what she saw, and even if it was only 19 days since surgery and the stitches is suppose to be in for 21 days she decided to take them out!
Even the ones she put in 4 days after the surgery when Tore had his first fall and open up 6 stitches…
15 days old, and she took them too! She loved the look of the wound, clean, healthy, no signs of infection or anything – perfect!!

Not so perfect ending of that day, we came to Stensby Sykehus, and while we both knew we could not be together there, it suddenly hit Tore in his stomach, big time, hard time.
He was given a double room, with another patient, and suddenly it was to much for him.
Tore don’t feel sick, just have a little problem walking around right now, and here he is treated like he is sick…

It all boiled down to me saying to Tore let us try home, if that feels better for you. It teared me apart seeing him like this, and not being able to say, do or help in any ways.
I was so sure I could solve any technically issues of being home, that day the “city” had sent a man up to our cabin with a few “help things” like a smaller chair like a office chair with brakes on them, some handles and a shower chair.
In the car we had beside the wheelchair an “walker” (walking frame) and a pair of crutches – so I was certain I should be able to get him around to the most essential parts of the cabin.
Trouble was to get him in, only way was crawl on his ass up the 0,5 meter high staircase and into the hall floor – but as it turned out, this was a better way for his mood/emotions then being left alone in that double room at the hopsital…

Tore was a brave man this evening, in the darkness of the evening, he got out of his wheelchair, tried his best to be brave enough to jump the steps, but decided it was unwise, got down on his knees, to hard, and turned on his ass, and got up the steps and into the door and into the hall quite fast.
I closed the door, we where HOME!!
Now, to get him up…

I cleaned away a few things, went out and found the chair the maintenance guy had left at our place earlier that day, put that on the inside of Tore, and with lot of strength, use of the door and me, he got up on his foot – Wow!
That felt good, down into the chair, I dragged him in to the living room, and unto the couch – yeah, we’re home, and it feels great!!!

Since that evening, where I even was able to get to sleep in the same bed again (only sleep, no other stuff) we been here.
I been cleaning up, moving stuff around, figuring out solutions, Tore been having a small obstruction track to move from living room to toilet/bathroom, to Kitchen and bedroom – but he done it!!
It is exercise on a high level – and the first day home I built a small ramp on the outside so he got to experience the joy of being dragged out of the door with his back towards me and no idea what he was about to experience he got safely down to the ground and into the car – brave you are Tore!
Love you!!

Since that we have had trouble with snow, and a poorly laid bandage yesterday we need to solve somehow as it is coming loose. From yesterday night and all day we been snowing inn – and tomorrow I need to dug us out, good thing I bought earlier this winter a snow cutter with a motor on it, going to need as we have about 30-40cm of snow outside now…

There you have it, a long journey taking us till today.

Till next time, take care

Linda

Categories: Misc
  1. matruck
    30 Dec 2009 at 00:12

    Your both very brave people Tore and Linda,Just hang in there and keep the faith.
    Cheers Mick.

  2. 18 Feb 2013 at 22:30

    It seems like u really understand plenty pertaining to this issue and that shows thru this blog, given the name “Husband
    update, 26 Dec – Home for time being Linda’s Blog”. I am grateful ,Kasey

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