Archive for January, 2010

13th of January 2010 – A new Foot


For those who might read and follows the story around my husband Tore and his “search” for a new left foot and part leg, the latest news are now in, and we have a new foot and leg right now standing in the room!! πŸ™‚

Last Wednesday, the 6th of January they decided down here at Bakke Rehabilitation Center that Tore’s leg and his wound there should be able to survive a casting in plaster so they could start build his first prosthetic leg/foot.
Today the big day was finally here where he was to see, feel, try on his new foot/leg – and he been very anxious the past few days and kinda been counting down the hours in his head.

So, around ten o’clock this morning (Norway time) Tore was at the office of the physiotherapist that is assigned to him here at Bakke.
The orthopedist engineer was also there, and he took and open a big bag where Tore’s new foot was inside of it! It looked strange, large, wrongly built/dimensioned as it felt rather short, very wide at the top where the rest of the leg is to be put inside, skin colored at top, a piece looking like a foot in skin color in bottom, but rest was steel tubes and moving pieces to allow for angles and movement of the foot.
Strange feel – how Tore felt I don’t know.

It was told that this is not heavier then the foot he lost, it did feel heavier, Tore also said that when it was on his
body and not just holding it – but the engineer claimed it not to be. We know for a fact Tore lost 2,3kg from one day to the other with only the surgery and amputation in between – so we have the actually weight loss. πŸ™‚

There was lot of talk, showing, stuff – but then the foot was clicked on, and Tore was given a “preachers chair” on wheels to hold on to when he for the first time in 6 weeks once again stood on two feet!!
Lovely sight, must been wonderful and weird for him I imagined.

This evening, 6 weeks ago was the last time Tore took some walk around on his two feet, now, at least for a few minutes today, he could walk around again – that is magic nearly! πŸ™‚
Six weeks ago he could walk without support, now he needs support and training, but in maybe 6 more weeks that might not be needed anymore maybe…
It’s wonderful – but life will not go back to where it was.

It is a new life, new challenges, new lot of stuff – but, he has a foot now, and while only few minutes every day is allowed to use that foot to train up and allow the skin to adjust and heal for the task ahead of allowing tore to walk around again, we will get there!

I’m proud of my husband, it is not the brave wonderful man I saw near end of last year – but I see a man still struggling to make the best he can to get on his feet again, and a man a little more scared then the other, but that also means most likely more safe then the other.
Which is good.

Tore has maybe walked 20-30 meters today, among those maybe around 10-15 meters backward, and everyone seem to think he did great – which I find great!!

Tomorrow exercise starts up with a few more things on his feet, maybe Friday night if body is OK with the foot we will be allowed to do a few more exercises, including the evening by our self.
Only time will tell, but for now – a great day!

For me too, I got a package today with stuff from a seller in Colorado with some great Victor photographs – wonderful, both Tore and me got presents today… πŸ™‚

Till next time, take care


Categories: Misc

5th of January 2010 – and changing time is here


I will not claim to be friends really with Tore again, there is this trust issue at hand, but we get along, which is the good part.
I still is on the look out for the devil in there, but I can see/feel some of the pieces of the good soul in Tore starting from time to time to build it self up again, but, it is not the great person I had the wonderful luck of spending a few weeks with near end of 2009, he’s dead and gone for good… 😦

I only hope that the one growing inside of Tore now, slowly growing, very slowly – will turn out to be as strong, good to him self, and the surroundings as possible, but knowing what lives in there I will try to not have my hopes up to high as what happen around the changeover from 2009 till 2010 was a scary thing.
I had expected something like that to happen, but not as bad and awful as it did turn out, there I must admit I got caught by surprise.

Today I’ve been busy packing up stuff, as we close in on the time we need to get going the stress level in my body increases, and things can easily become heated so I hope we can manage to stay on top of things and emotions.

Tore seems OK, the wound has healed slowly since a few days before New Year, I saw it last time the 2nd of January and it had hardly changed from the 30th of December.
I guess that might relay back to the situation he put his own body into those days and days after…

He had a fall yesterday due to not caring to check to see if his wheelchair had the brakes on – which it did not… – but I think it went OK, I see nothing through the bandages so I keep my hope up.

Over the last week or so, if you look away from 4 or so days of hell, things at home has become a routine and it seems like Tore is more or less inside the house able to get around and do most of the stuff he wants, without help from me.
I assume that is a good feel for him, it is for me.

When we now go to Bakke, he will get into a room where he can use only his wheelchair to get around from bed to bathroom and rest of the room – making it a little easier as he don’t have to get up and jump around a few jumps every time he needs the bathroom or want to go to bed…
The other side of that is that he needs to keep to the exercises he has to have way better then he did this Christmas break, because here at home, he was to lazy and not caring about him self enough to bother do them…
Gentle reminding did hardly nothing, more push and we ended up in hell…

All in all, life is not as good as it could have been, but there is hope, a slimmer one then I like, but hope.
The hope for Tore to walk again on the other hand, from what I think, it is high, very high – I just don’t have much hope for our marriage and time together… 😦

Till next time, take care, and thank you for reading this.


Categories: Misc

It's 2010 – and I hate it!!

01 Jan 2010 1 comment


Of course, like 2008/2009, the last day of 2009 I hat to meet the asshole again, my husband, my brave great wonderful husband crawled back into his hole and up raised the devil again!

I hate feeling like this, I hate being back till the morning and midday of the 9th October 2009, just before the ambulance came and brought Tore to the hospital where he weeks later found him self…

I hate knowing that this will never stop.

I hate knowing that in order to help him the best I can, I seem to have to go away, for good – and he hates me for wanting to go away!
I don’t want to, but I feel I have to – there is a big difference there.

I know my self, very good, I know there is a big fucking devil inside of me, and it is fed by the devil in Tore, the one that makes Tore care nothing about him self, to run his as into the ground, to treat me like a servant, and so on…

I tried my best for days to avoid this feelings, I felt them grow, I felt them coming, I tried earlier today, I let some of it loose, I tried stopping it, but I couldn’t…

Tore is bringing out the worse in me, and I wish he could bring out the best like he done for some weeks now.

I try to bring my best, to focus on my best, to be my best, but I can’t when I’m out of energy and all energy I get is bad energy…
I can’t fight this for ever, I just can’t

So, here we are, it is 2010 here in Norway, and what should have been a good time is bad, real bad.

And, in 3 days, the 4th, Tore is suppose to go away for up to 8 weeks at a rehabilitation place, I was suppose to be with him, right now, I don’t think that is possible…

I hate this year already, and it is only 8 minutes new…

Take care world, you all need it


Categories: Misc