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Archive for October, 2010

Fifty three weeks ago

Hi,

Clearly I’m no big user of this blog thingy, and now that I’ve lost the direct blog part from my web site provider I’ve been forced into using another service.

Other then that, life is pretty much hell like it been for ages.

I love my husband, no doubt about that, which makes it extremely hard just to give up and walk away, but I sense my resources are draining away, fast now a days.

Fifty three weeks ago, Friday the 9th of October 2009 was the day Tore, my husband, ended up in the hospital with a severe infection who lead to the death of his left foot – one should have imagined that ordeal to be enough.

But, now, 53 weeks later, 52 weeks last week, he still do his same old crap to try to mess his own life up so much that he ends up there again…

It is like he needs/want to have a mummy taking care of him, and in order to gain that he has to mess him self up so bad that others are forced to take care of him. Forced to look after him, to make sure he eats, sleeps and do all the stuff he says he wants to do…

I’m on a loosing end here, I fight hard, long, awful for what I believe in and for what I feel, I do stuff no one should have to do, I even try violence and harsh words to try help Tore see him self.

But every fucking time it is like after a short while the devil in him surface and speaks directly to the devil in my and temp and drag and do every thing he can to let the ass in my take charge and make me do stupid things.

I so wish I could just walk away, but how ca I walk away from a man so lost in him self, so alone, no-one wants to deal with him, no friends anymore, they all turned they’re backs on him his family except a somewhat mentally challenged brother don’t want to deal with him…

How can I walk away from a guy crying for help, claiming he needs help, my help?  Professional help don’t seem to work either, been like this for ages, and now a weekly sessions has turned into one each 3rd week…

Help, I just need help, I can’t deal much longer, my energy level is dropping way below safety I feel.

 

Linda

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